I am applying for the position of Chief Marketing poo-bah for your company. In my career, I have successfully closed three companies that have failed to find a niche. However, I blame the techies, since I have been very successful in creating a great deal of excitement for products that failed to live up to the hype. Despite the fact that the job description for this position states that an MBA is "preferred", I submit that my bachelor of FINE arts degree is better than a regular bachelor of arts degree since it is...well... finer.
On the surface, my background might not seem well suited for your company. But let me assure you that my lack of job experience utilizing social networking to market is unreflective of my deep understanding of the social networking phenomenon. I spend a great deal of time on MySpace, Facebook and Twitter endlessly networking with many people who all think I am the bee's knees. I will simply apply this knowledge to your company and in no time, voila, you too can be the bee's knees.
I am an extremely capable communicator and was once recognized as one of the top bloggers of the month on MySpace by someone who wanted me to link to their page. At one point I even cracked into the top 100 blogs of the day, but mostly because I was checking my comments so religiously that I might have spiked the numbers a bit.
I have a thorough understanding of Google Ad Words as should be obvious from the ads to the left over here ----------->
And I don't need to work since I make so much from people clicking on these ads, but I figure, why should I keep all this stuff to myself, right?
I have been the recipient of many awards in my career. I was voted "biggest feet" by my graduating class, in what I now realize was an inside joke at other parts of my anatomy. But really... don't you want someone on your team with big feet? I also won first prize in the Pinewood Derby when I was a Cub Scout, which means that I know how to make things go fast, and win... despite the part about the closing of companies, and the endless complaints from my wife about me being a loser. She is just joking. Mostly.
Combined, I believe my practical knowledge and relative success with companies such as yours makes me the ideal choice for this position. Or perhaps another position, if that floats your boat. I'm really up for anything. And remember the part about the big feet... unless you are a guy... or if you are a guy, and you swing that way... then remember. Otherwise, just forget I mentioned it.
Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Twelve Years, Give or Take.
5 weeks ago