The last month has blown. In a life of occassionally blowy months. This one has been one of the blowiest. I'm tired of the people that tell me that things will work out... and that at least I have my health... and that there are many people that are worse off than me. No fucking dah. I am accutely aware of how good I have it, during my times of blowiness. And yes... I know it will work out in the long run. Key word being "long". Why do we feel the need to address the whiney trauma-ists in life with these platitudes? Most of us are used to the roller coaster. We've been down. We've been up. We know the score and the game and the best we can come up with is "things will work out"? Of course, we feel bad. And of course, we feel helpless when talking to people in the middle of a down stretch. So we fall back on the easy answers. Because silence just seems silly and embarrassing.
On the flip side of blowiness... are a few people who actually seem to care. This surprises me. Because, at heart, I know that I care. But I'm so jaded at this point that I assume everyone else is just pretending. Why do we do that? Assume that no one else really cares. I mean, I suppose that life teaches us all sorts of lessons regarding this. One is that... no one likes a whiner. But everyone likes a winner. And so we all hide it away and say "everything is GREAT." Which really means "things are so f-ed up that all I have left is this fake smile." And we smile and see all around us the same facades in all the faces we meet.
I met a women once and we had many deep conversations about this and that. Very deep. I was fourteen or fifteen. She was more than twice my age. I'm sure now I had a huge crush on her. But at the time it was all about the deep conversations we had about things. We talked about this exact thing. About the surface platitudes that we share with those around us that we only ever know on a surface level. We made a pact that we would always ask each other how we REALLY were. And we would mean without all the covering crap. I grew up and we moved on and we talk every decade or so now. And when we see each other we ask each other how we REALLY are. And we laugh. And then we provide each other with a load of platitudes.
Because no one really likes a whiner.
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sometimes i like a whiner - it makes me feel like less of a loser. it's true. and yes, i know the long run sucks. i've lived in the long run for a while now.
ReplyDeleteexactly... we all run around pretending that we have it all together... when in fact we don't. I'm a total loser. So you can hang here whenever you like. The long run just seems so long somedays.
ReplyDeleteI paint. Sometimes whether it's a client chosing something or a friend stopping in--as they step into my studio, they are surprised by the heavy bag off to the left of my easel. I simply ask, "haven't you ever just wanted to hit something?"
ReplyDeleteLife isn't benevolent. It isn't honorable...it's not even impartial. It often "doesn't work out." And for damn sure, the nice guy does finish last. Period. In our plastic depthless existance that venerates control...I lose it. There is sometimes no explanation, no comfort, and no vindication.
Sometimes...I just have to hit something...as hard as I can.
I like Chantel's suggestion.
ReplyDeleteSometimes life just sucks. That's a direct quote from the Buddha. I swear.
Mandy's right, the Bhudda did say that. Then again, she's probably hormonal. (yet still gorgeous and probably a beautiful pregnant woman as well)
ReplyDeleteI know the long run, it's called my life, and it sucks it most days. No platitudes from me, but I have tissue if you need to be vulnerable...
And I spelled Buddha wrong. See what I mean about suckage? I can't even spell.
ReplyDelete@Chantel... "In the plastic depthless existence that venerates control..." Is it bad when your readers comments are better written than the blog itself? This is a good line. I shall lift it.
ReplyDeletePS.. I'm been using the Wii Swordfighting to bash people's heads in. It helped until I got tendonitis.
@Mandy... I think that Kung Fu Panda... but the two are often confused.
@Pina... Mandy even gets kudos in MY comments. Jeez.. no one has ever called me gorgeous or a beuatiful pregnant woman.
THanks for the tissue and the offer of viewing me while vulnerable. It ain't pretty.
Hey Mobius...lets call it hell and go get drunk.
ReplyDeleteThat's the best idea I've heard all day.
ReplyDelete