Monday, February 1, 2010

The Mysteries of My Past

I joined a volleyball league last month because, you know, there isn't enough humiliation in my life. It has been two decades since I played competitively. Long before any of my children were alive and kicking, and nothing that happened pre-them really counts.

Anyway, I apparently failed to notify my progeny of my decision to join this league. Until last night, several hours before my first game.

Boy: You are going to play volleyball? (raised eyebrows)

Me: Yes.

(long pause)

Boy: But do you know HOW to play volleyball?

Me: I'm familiar with the game. Yes.

Boy: Are you sure? Because there are a lot of shots that you have to be good at. There's the bump. (demonstrates) There's the set. (demonstrates) And the spike... which I'm too short to do, but you might be able to. You do it like this. (demonstrates).

Me: Thanks. I'll keep that in mind.

Boy: Just remember to keep your thumbs in on the bumps. Do you know how to serve? Because the serves are important.

Me: Yeah... I think I remember.

Boy: I'm pretty good at it... if you want me to practice with you. I can probably help.

Me: Help what?

Boy: Help you not look like an idiot.

Me: I don't think there is much hope of that.

He concurred. The little bastard.


  1. *chuckle* takes a smart ass to raise one, right?

  2. LMAO! You know, by the time they are old enough to admit that we are generally right...we wish they wouldn't.

    So................did you?

  3. @ char... you have nailed my parenting priciples in one sentence.

    @Chantel... I refuse to answer on the grounds it might incriminate me.

  4. Hehehehe. Brighten my day, why doncha.

  5. This is the kind of grief I get from my kids when I attempt to dance in front of them.
    Well, actually, when I attempt to do anything in front of them.

    Just don't serve backwards. That's my patented shot.

  6. My little ones are still little enough that they think stuff I do is cool. Well, as far as I know. Actually..... They are laughing WITH me, right?

    Be sure to wear a brightly colored headband and pull your socks up real real high. Then you'll look extra good.

    It's risky to leave that comment, knowing that there's a chance you did in fact wear a headband and pull your socks up real high. I have a talent for coincidences like that. But I'm feeling brave today; I'm gonna risk it.

  7. Little egos.


    Cracky looks completely shocked every time I oh-so-softly and oh-so-expertly, swish a basketball through a hoop.

  8. @Kate... Well, I certainly can try, can't I?

    @Vic... I love the backward serve... but at this place I had basketball hoops right over me to contend with. I might fail at serving, but I can at least get two points for serving through the hoop.

    @Mandy... just between you and I... I served for the team's only win of the season thus far... and spiked it onto the head of the some short chick... HOOYA. Just don't tell the son. I don't like him knowing how competitive I am.

  9. @Cynthia... this is my third attempt at this comment, since my computer seems to be on edge this morning.

    Do I get extra points with you because I don't even OWN a headband or tube socks?

  10. Isn't spiking onto short players heads the main objective in volleyball? You nailed it. Boo-ya!

  11. You'll do great. Well, or you will do horribly, but hopefully you share the laughter with us, your readers. Hee hee hee!

  12. Wonder where he gets his smart mouth from, hmmmm?

  13. @lindsay... it certainly is the most enjoyable part.

    @happy... I'm not sure "great" is the word I would choose. I will settle for "uninjured".

    @pina... I have no freaking idea.

  14. i joined a rec-league volleyball team for a few weeks. but the coach kept accidentally on purpose brushing his hands against my breasts while showing me "the correct" way to hit the ball.

    that kind of turned me off playing volleyball. then i broke my knuckles inline skating.

    and that was the end of my volleyball career.

  15. My kids are quite sure I don't know anything about anything "cool".

    God forbid you suggest to them I had sex once.

    Much less thrice.