Taken from the actual dinner conversation at Chez Mobi last evening.
13YO: SOOOOO..... I have NEWS. I have a new boyfriend!
Me: (mid bite) What happened to what's his name?
13YO: He is too much of a girl.
Me: (chewing slowly) He was too much of a girl so you broke up with him?
13YO: Yes... A is much better. And taller. And generally cuter. And smarter.
Me: (swallowing carefully) How did this come about? This whole "being your boyfriend" thing?
13YO: At lunch.
Me: He asked you at lunch?
13YO: No... he sent his wingman... who talked to the girls I sit with.
Me: Wingman? How do you even know what a wingman is? So there was no direct contact. Just brokers?
I chewed some carrots pensively.
8YO: I have news too... C is dating B now.
Me: Dating? What does that mean exactly? Aren't you 8? And didn't C say that he liked you, like, yesterday?
8YO: Yes... but that was yesterday.
8YO: Yes... but I was too good for him anyway.
Me: Double ouch. Remind me to keep close tabs on you when you get older.
11YO: I have news too...
Me: Not more love news...
Now the 11YO has been "with" his girlfriend for two years... an eternity for this family. And while the other people use brokers to parlez, the boy was always very straight forward... sending cards, buying Valentines, going to birthday parties... girl birthday parties. And he never caught cooties. So if this was about his love life.. it was news.
11YO: M is moving to Dubai in a few months.
11YO: It's in the Middle East.
Me: I know where it is. Why?
11YO: Her father got transferred.
Me: Wow.. that sucks buddy.
11YO: (philosophically) Yeah.
Much quiet chewing for awhile as my hair grayed more.
11YO: Can we get Skype?
On Becoming My Grandmother
2 weeks ago