Monday, January 11, 2010

Orgasmic Cheese

My family tends to go on food kicks. I suppose this normal for all families. But this holiday season was designated "cheesemas". My MIL likes to overdo things when it comes to food. So I think she bought out the entire cheese counter at the local grocery. There was cheese from around the world. Cheese in blocks. Cheese in wedges. Fat cheese. Skinny cheese. Cheese with bacon in it. Cheese with horseradish in it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I like cheese and all. I like it on my hamburgers and on my ham and cheese sandwiches. I even like the dipping cheese that you get with the enormous pretzels with road salt on them at the hockey games. But the wall o' cheese was absurd in its cheesiness. I tasted a few and made my half hearted raised eye brow grunts.

Until I hit the orgasmic cheese.

Now, despite past blogs to the contrary, I tend to be fairly private about my orgasms. Especially when I'm surrounded by a room full of in-laws. So it was rather embarrassing when I sort of melted into a lump of gooey mess right there on the floor after the first taste of this stuff. "WHAT! was that..." I sighed, when I had regained my breathe. If I had a g-spot, this cheese would have found it and engulfed it in swooney goodness. It was like someone took a tuning fork and hit the resonant center of my universe causing me to lose all control of bodily functions.

It is called Stiltson Mango Ginger cheese. Zing... I'm getting excited just saying its name.

Having described this to one friend already... I got a less than excited reaction. "Mango? In my cheese? No." And I can understand that. For I too never believed in the perfect "O"... and I realize that this cheese might not be your perfect "O".

But now I believe that the perfect "O" exists. I'm heading to the store to buy more now.



  1. i am so going to look for that cheese.

    not only in the hopes of it hitting my cheesy tuning fork and resonating me into a puddle... but also because to me the idea of cheese and mango AND ginger is making me drool.

  2. I'm drooling because you are drooling. This is sick.

  3. Havarti with dill does that for me. The first time I had it was on my honeymoon. Oh, that just sounds wrong.

  4. Confessions of a cheese-aholic...

    Some people think of taking chocolate syrup or whip cream into the husband does the whole "hey baby" *wink, wink* raise-the-eyebrow thing in the grocery store....with a can of nacho cheese sauce in his hand.

    Yeah, I got a problem.

  5. @GSG... I think your honeymoon is the perfect place to discover your g-spot.

    @chantel... I am not going to say your love is cheesy. Even though I want to.

  6. I love Fresh Asiago (different than regular Asiago) from Whole Foods. With marinated spiced green olives.


  7. @mandy... who knew there were so many paths to the elusive o. this conversation gives me hope for the second half of my life. I shall just eat cheese until I die.

  8. i can think of worse addictions....

    and worse ways to go.

    i was looking for your cheesegastic recommendation today, but didn't find it... however, i have not come home empty handed. i'm making fettucini with gorgonzola and walnuts for dinner tonight. that's pretty swoony too...

  9. I know where we got it here.. but I know that this chain isn't down there. So I'm not sure what to tell you.

    But that does sound swoony. I may have to come over for dinner.

  10. i'm a simple girl..a good wedge of brie and some gingersnaps does it for me. i'm not cheap but it is rather easy isn't it?

  11. Not sure I've ever had a cheesegasm, and I am quite fond of cheese. So I'm a bit jealous of all you folks who know which cheese hits your g spot. I guess mine remains elusive...

    *glares at you*

  12. Cheesus Saves!

    And Stilton? Man, that's hard core. It sounds interesting, though.

  13. Almost all cheese is orgasmic for me. I like to take the Stilton Royal Blue ( cured in port) and take a bit of triple cream brie, put the two on a Carr's water Table Cracked Black Pepper crackers and eat til I explode.
    Sorry. Bad Imagery.

  14. I think my less-than-lactose-tolerant inner being has skewed my perception, but I felt tortured when reading this. Between my disgust for cheese, and delight in talking about orgasmically-rich foods - I'm not sure whether to puke or read it again, mentally replacing "cheese" with "hummus" or "Yoplait Whips" or something.

  15. Ok! Im thinking I need to go to the specialty store...and "Periodically Consistent"...Hummus??? Really? Shudders ...

  16. @lindsay- keep searching... you will find it one day. Of course, the cholesterol might get you first.

    @lady- Cheesus saves... snort.

    @pina- you are ones those types that has a gasm every time? lucky lucky.

    @PC- hummus... is good. but not as good as this stuff.

    @Brans- luckily my speciality store is right down the street. And open 24 hours a day. Speaking of which... I'm off.

  17. New to your blog. You had me at "orgasmic cheese"